You have decided to get a divorce.  After this decision is made, either you or your spouse move out. This is also about the time that economic reality kicks in: one of you need financial support, and one of you realize you must pay support.  Two immediate questions arise:

1. How much monthly support must be paid?
2. How long (months, years) must support be paid?

The law can answer these questions, but only by looking at the circumstances of your marriage.  Specifically, the law looks at who worked, how much they earned, and how much will you earn in the future? 

Rich Dad – Stay at home mom

The largest and longest payouts for spousal support arise in the “Rich Dad- Stay-at-Home Mom” marriage. Dad has earned a lot of income by working many hours over the years.  Mom has enabled Dad’s success. She has done this by taking care of the children/home responsibilities while Dad worked.  In this situation, Dad will likely have to pay a large amount of support for a long time.

The Power Couple

One of the easier cases to determine is the “Power Couple”.  Here, both the husband and wife work long hours at high paying jobs. In this divorce, it is possible that no support is payable.  Alternatively, if support is owed, the amounts may be smaller and for a shorter period of time.

The “Somewhere in the middle” Couple

A more difficult situation to determine is a couple whose marriage did not follow set patterns for employment and domestic responsibilities. For example, one spouse may have earned a lot of money in the past, but for some reason (health, bad luck, etc.) this is no longer the case.  The other spouse may have stayed home and raised the children and then resumed her career later after the kids became teens. Trying to figure how what is “fair” in these situations can be very challenging for lawyers and judges.

To assist with these difficult decisions, lawyers and judges often rely on Canada’s Spousal Support Guidelines.  This is a legal tool that helps to link the facts of each marriage with an appropriate formula for determining support.  Calculations based on these guidelines can also be accessed for free at www.mysupportcalculator.ca

It must be emphasized again that each divorce is unique, and guidelines/calculators may not account for the facts of your marriage. However, as a rule of thumb, the past often determines the future.  If you were the breadwinner in the past, you likely have an obligation to provide support in the future.

Divorce has a negative impact on children.  This is unavoidable. When parents start the separation process, children get the following message: Things will be different, uncertain, and scary. 

The good news is this: Divorce does not always mean our children will have lasting damage. Kids are resilient. Many children of divorce move forward in life as emotionally healthy adults, eventually having families of their own.

There are certain things parents can do to minimize the risk of emotional damage to children of divorce.  The solutions can be seen by looking at the main “problem” through the eyes of the child.  Kids in these situations have a significant fear of abandonment and loss of parental love. The child may think “One of you are leaving, does this mean you might leave me too?”, or “Mom and Dad don’t love each other anymore, maybe they might stop loving me?”

The remedy for fear of abandonment is this: showing consistent attention and love to our children during and after separation.  Understandably, a parent going through a divorce has a lot on his/her plate.  It is easy for kids in these situations to get lost in the shuffle. Divorcing parents who set aside time to be with their kids, listen to their feelings, and do fun things with them send the following message: “We still love you, and everything will be OK”.

Divorce is seldom one person’s fault. While it “takes two to tango”, in an ideal situation, both parents can work together toward a common goal: continuing to ensure their kids are loved and cared for by both parents. This is not always realistic.  At times, one spouse may be so angry the divorce conflict is made a priority over being a good parent. In these situations, we do the best we can with what we’ve got. If at least one parent can show consistent love and attention, their child will have a much better chance of moving on from the divorce with minimal psychological damage. One rational parent can be a buffer to protect a child from another parent’s unchecked anger.

Anger is a normal part of every divorce. That anger needs to be expressed to the right person, such as a close friend or therapist.  If this anger is expressed to children (or even if they overhear it), this can be very damaging.  Speaking negatively to a child about how ‘bad’ the other parent is…well, it’s a terrible idea. Children and teens who are exposed to this kind of intense fighting are often traumatized.  This can result in long-term problems when they become adults, including chronic anxiety and difficulties in having healthy marriages themselves.

Again, let’s remember the good news: children of divorce who feel heard, loved, and supported have a great chance of living long, healthy and happy lives.

The decision of “should we/should we not” get a divorce is not easy. It is a process that involves asking yourself a lot of questions about the future. A common question people ask themselves is “If we get a divorce, who will get the house?”

Many divorcing couples own a home together. There are a lot of emotions and memories attached to the home: A child’s first steps, family dinners, family movie nights, the list goes on.

Most often, the question of “who gets the house” arises from another important question: “What is best for the kids?” Children who grew up in the house likely attend schools nearby.  His/her friends may live in the neighborhood.

50/50 Roadblock

One major roadblock to one parent owning the house is this: the law (in most cases) says the house is a 50/50 split after a divorce. This means that each spouse is entitled to 50% of the value of the home.

In cases such as this, there are options to avoid this 50/50 roadblock.   As part of the divorce process, most couples can negotiate with each other and agree how property and other assets will be split between them. This can be seen from the following example:

• Mr. and Mrs. Lahey own a home worth $1 million dollars.
• They also have investments in stocks worth $1 million dollars.
• Mrs. Lahey wants to stay in the home with the kids. Her aging mom also lives with them. The children attend school near the house.
• Mr. Lahey is OK with moving out, but he does not want to lose out on the money tied up in the house.
• Solution: they can agree that Mr. Lahey gets the $1 million dollars in stock investments, and in turn, Mrs. Lahey becomes sole owner of the family home that is also worth $1 million dollars.

If spouses can’t agree, a judge can step in

If a couple cannot agree on who stays in the house, there are times when an Alberta judge will step in and make this decision for them.  Sometimes, a judge will order the house to be sold, and the proceeds split between the couple.

However, in other cases, a judge can issue something called an “exclusive possession order”.  This is a legal directive that says “Who lives in the house, and who does not”.

The following are circumstances where a judge might order that one spouse can live in the home:

1. There is an economic imbalance – example: a stay-at-home mom has no income and dad earns $300,000 per year.

1. The children need the home for stability – Here, educational needs, health or extra-curricular activities may require a child to continue living in the home with one parent.

When deciding what to do with the house, it is always best if a couple can agree on something fair for each of them.  However, when that is not possible, one spouse may have to go to Court and ask a judge for help.

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